


Mike Snoke from Downtown Coruscant

by telekinetic_hedgehog



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Origin Story, Seduction to the Dark Side, mention of child death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 05:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12029244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telekinetic_hedgehog/pseuds/telekinetic_hedgehog
Summary: "Chuck Wendig's Force Awakens novel Aftermath suggested that post-Jedi, the last vestiges of the Empire fled to the Unknown Regions. Could they have met a non-humanoid called Snoke who shaped them into the First Order? Or maybe he's just Mike Snoke from downtown Coruscant." --Empire, Oct 2017 issueMike Snoke lives a boring life as an office worker on Coruscant before discovering his destiny and the power of the Dark Side. Crack.





	Mike Snoke from Downtown Coruscant

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to OnceUponaGalaxyFarFarAway for beta reading!

Mike Snoke lived in downtown Coruscant. Specifically, he lived around the 40th north and 74th west parallels of Coruscant, in a windowless studio apartment on the 4014th level. He worked a boring but well-paying job in a windowless office building three levels above his apartment.

On one particularly typical day, he went to work in a typical fashion.

 _Ding!_ The elevator stopped in the lobby of his office building, and Mike shuffled out.

“Hey, Mike!” said Janice, the receptionist. “I’m having the party for Dan’s graduation this weekend. Will you be able to make it?”

Mike gave her a blank look and shook his head.

“Okay, but let me know if you change your mind!” she smiled.

He shuffled into his cubicle and sat down.

“Hey, Mike!” Steve appeared at the top of the short wall between their desks. “Craig and I are going out for drinks after work, wanna join us?”

Mike frowned and shook his head.

“All right, maybe next time then.” Steve disappeared behind the wall.

Mike’s coworkers hated him.

All morning, Mike worked at his job in a particularly typical way. At noon, he pulled a sandwich out of his lunch sack and ate at his desk. His sandwich was plain except for a tiny amount of fat-free mayonnaise on one side. A few years ago, he had tried eating in the break room instead. That was a miserable day.

After his lunch break was over, he worked at his job until exactly 5:00 pm. He closed his work. He stood up. He turned to leave.

 _Bang!_ Mike tripped on his desk chair and tumbled forward. Pain rippled through his toes in much the same way that a grenade ripples. A surge of rage like he had never felt before swelled up inside of him, electric-charged and monstrous. He glared at the chair and saw himself hurling it across the grid of cubicles, smashing it to splinters.

The chair moved.

It moved slightly, but undeniably. And Mike realized that he, without touching it, had been the one to move it. This changed everything. No one had grown up on Coruscant without hearing of the Jedi and the Sith, the Light and Dark Sides of the Force. Most children, upon hearing of a mystical power that grants the user telekinesis, will try to move things with their mind. Mike, however, was so sketpical and timid that he never bothered. If there was no one left who could use the Force themselves, well then, of course the whole thing was no better than a myth.

But the chair in front of him had proved it was not a myth. The Force was real, and it had chosen Mike. He returned to his apartment with his planet shaken and the profound sense that the galaxy was bigger than he'd thought. That night, he stayed up past his bedtime practicing picking things up with the Force and contemplating his place in the universe.

The next day, Mike couldn't focus on his job. Destiny was calling to his soul, and his soul had an annoying default ringtone he'd never bothered to reset. He left his desk at lunchtime and went to the local library. He had to fill out an application for a library card because he'd never had one, but once he got it, he loaded up his briefcase with books on the Force and the masters of old.

Over the coming months, Mike studied how the Force worked and deepened his connection to it. The Coruscant public library system was light on arcane texts of hidden Sith lore and ritual secrets, but fortunately they had a helpful interlibrary loan program.

He learned of echos of a movement to restore the Empire, talks of sympathizers scattered around the Unknown Regions. A new Empire needed a new Emperor, Mike reasoned. Why not Emperor Snoke? Well, Emperor Palpatine was overthrown, and he didn't want that. He could be Leader Snoke instead, but that didn't sound awesome enough. Finally his new identity came to him while he was meditating on his anger over a half-gallon of milk spoiling sooner than the date stamped on it: _Supreme_ Leader Snoke.

But claiming his new identity would come at a cost. When Anakin became Darth Vader, he had to commit himself to the Dark Side by destroying the children in the Jedi Temple. Supreme Leader Snoke knew that he must face a similar task before he was ready to leave for the Unknown Regions and cause the Empire to rise from its ashes. Well, its charred debris, anyway; metal explosions in space don't leave much ash to speak of. Mike knew he would have to leave his old life behind in a way that was drastic. Cruel. Final.

On his last day on Coruscant, Mike Snoke strode into his office’s break room, angry and strong in the Dark Side. He approached the communal caf pot, thought about his hatred for Janice, Craig, Steve, and everyone else there, used the Force to pick up the pot, and poured all the caf down the sink.

A dark, delicious thrill ran through him as it splattered the sides of the sink and flowed down the drain. _Let them suffer,_ he thought. _Let them refill the caf themselves._

He could barely contain a wild grin as he turned in his resignation letter to his boss. A Supreme Leader has no boss. When he passed into the elevator, he was Mike no longer. Supreme Leader Snoke was ready to travel to the Unknown Regions. It was time for the new Empire to rise.


End file.
